Wednesday 30th March 2011

so yeah, your dads being a cunt :'( made us both upset =/ and hurt...buh ima shhh about that, we get to spend a week in teh easter hols together ^_^

i love you so much, the past 5 months have been amazing with you, 6 wekks may hurt buh it will be even more amazing after, promise <3 i will make sure off it.

did you know your perfect?? i tell you alot cuz its true :) honest.
your everything and more ^_^ to me anyways <3
never ever change????
if you changed you might not like me anymore.... :( and i would be sad. cuz i need you and i love you lots.... and lots... and lots.... and lots.... and lots ^////^
tehe. i really cant wait for summer, it will be amazing to spend it with you and stuff =] :')
i think ive gotten over not being able to see you a bit... cuz i know i can still talk to you every so often and see you in the easter :)
your gonna do well in your exams i know you are, your real smart. thats why i need you :') to help me learn tbh.
i cant wait till we finish college and shizz, cuz we get to live together and be all liake cuddlezz and kissezzzzz and eeeeeeep ^_^
i really really hope this makes you happeh =] cuz you make me happeh... ima just have to wait a few weeks, to look into your eyes, .... too get to kiss you ^////^
i love you jimjam!!!!! aluvzchusooooomuchh <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
-scawiii voice- ima beeee you wife!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwhahahahahahahaha

Monday 28th March 2011

eeee i got bored in maths so i came up with this >>>>

I Just love
my Amazing jamie.
He is Mine and
always wIll be
forever and Ever <3

its really stupid.... and as laura pointed out sad <.< (shifty eyes towards her)
buh it worked ^_^

i really really do love you jamie <3 so fucking much its unreal <3
i said most off what i wanted in the message this morning buh yeah :) i hope you got it ^_^
......i forgot to put my bra on this morning....... =/ :')
oops

ahhh making people paranoid =]

buh yeah i really miss you and this weekend should be good i cant wait to see you baby <3 ove you <3

Monday 21st March

wellll for starters.... 2DAYS TILL WEDNESDAY= 5MONTHS!!! with the most amazing guy i know ans love <3
and its been like 1month 1week and 1day since he proposed ^_^ <3
hold shit deyy ages!!!!!! tehe buh i reallii reallii reallii doooo lurve hiim sooooo muchhh <3

teh weekendwas funnnnn!!!!!

Fridaiii- diploma (-_-') buh evie at lunch ;) evie slept at mine, we took some happeh pills && went on the westwood xD ohhh lordyy was piss, well the slender man was stalking us :/ and their were werewolves. ran about screaming 'WHATS THAT COMING OVER THE HILL, IS IT A MONSTER, NOOOOO ITS AMYYYY!!!!' and we stole a golf flag and decided if anyone asked where we found it, 'It came out of amy's vagina!' :') such funn lulable times!!!!!

Saturday- me and evie went to town and waited at pit for jamie and people. I was collecting monies for teh alcohol fund and managed to get over £20 =] haha drunk, drunk, drunk ;)
with jamie i thought he was being really distant and iffy with me so i got scared he was gonna break up with me= me drinking alot, quite fast :) I did some bad things like, pull danielle, evie, danny fry, some other people. while pulling danielle danny and aaron fell on us and i got kicked in the face :( too drunk to feel it doe :D
I started crying cuz i thought jamie would hate me :/ so me and floppy pretended to be sheep (i was a dead one) and jamie scared teh shit outta me and i screamed xD didnt do much afetr that apart from sort things out with danny and his girlfriend, walked around with floppy, smoking, sobering up, going home and watching alice in wounderland... O and getting jamie to quit lent ;P

Sundaii- realising i broke my nose a 3am >< playing with it till jamie stopped me :') jamie had to goo :( buh untill he did it was sooo much funn, watching him on the wii and just cuddling and kissing him ^_^ i love it tehe. ive never been this soppy with anyone buh o well <3<3<3<3

I LOVE YOU FOREVER && EVER< PINKY PROMISE <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3

welll yeahh....

So hey there Jamie.
I wish i could say this in person but i don't see you till Saturday and tbh i think id be to shy to say this unless I'm drinking..

I really really love you baby && i never ever wanna lose you. Ima prove this one day i promise.
Ima pay you back for all the times you pay me into Hull and for all the things you buy me.
Ima make it up to you for getting upset thinking your gonna leave me :/
Ima try and be more positive about us and not think you deserve better.
I'm sorry I'm like this I'm just scared :( its weird for me being in a relationship this long with someone who treats me well and doesn't abuse me or lie to me. I'm just scared your gonna find someone better (which you really can do) or leave me and break my heart....
I really don't wanna lose you. I need you so much. <3
I need you to keep me sane. I need you to keep me from hurting myself :/
I need you allot more than i want you but i want you a hell of allot.

I know you wont agree but your perfect.
I love your hair and how its soft all the time.
I love your eyes and how pretty and blue they are. I like to look into them ^////^ its like looking into your soul and its so beautiful and pure.
I love your smile and how even when i don't want to, it makes me smile. I like how its kinda crooked and really cute.
I love your body and how nice it is to fall asleep with. It makes me feel all safe and lets me know that your actually real and I'm not imaging you.
I love your arms and when you hold me, just for the hugs, when I'm upset or when I'm really happy. They make me feel so safe and wanted i sometimes never want you to let go.
I love your personality. Its so kind, sweet, charming, amazing, cute, lovely and friendly. Your always nice to me no matter how much I'm upset, your always sweet to me even if i tell you to fuck off :/
I love you, entirely, so much. All of you. I'm so happy your mine, and I'm sorry for trying to push you away :( please don't leave me??

Last night i was reading chapter 3 of New Moon, when Edward leaves Bella.
I fell asleep and had a dream that woke me up crying...
it was our 2 years anniversary, but you didn't know, you asked me to walk to queens with you for a talk.
We went to Queens and sat on a bench, you started 'Aby, I'm moving away.'
I thought you meant i was going too because we talk about moving away together so i asked where were going.
You replied 'Not 'us' just me. Okay, your staying here.'
I was shocked and confused 'Why??? Where you going??'
You 'Im just leaving. I cant stay here, I'm moving far away so you never have to see ma again.'
I was close to tears but i held them back and said ;Why... What did i do wrong?? I'm sorry if i annoyed you or...'
You stopped me and said 'No its not your fault, I just don't want you anymore. I think that because I'm breaking up with you, I need to move away so you can forget me and move on'
I was so upset i wanted to just hold on to you and cry but i still didn't 'I don't want to lose you, I don't want to get over you but if that's what you want, okay....'
You walked away and I just layed there on the bench, crying my eyes out. I don't know how long i was there but Ryan Hoskin found me and asked if i was okay. All i could say was 'He's left me, Hes gone' and i couldn't move. He seemed to understand and he picked me up and took me to pit to find Terry to take me back to their place. Someone gave me a cig and when i was about to put it out and noone was looking i put it out on my wrist hoping that i wouldnt be able to feel it bacause I'd be dead. Unfortuantly i could feel it and Ryan took it off me.
When me, Ryan and Terry got to theirs i went to the toilet and found a razor for my wrists, Ryan and Terry thought i was taking to long so they came in and found me bleeding. I ended up drinking all the time, not leaving the house and either Terry or Ryan watched me for months.
I woke up crying :'(
I guess this is how much i need you...

Im sorry if this makes you cry or anything i really dont want you too.
I doo want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I love you <3

Tuesday 15th March

im maths with charlii xD
is quite fun :')

one thing i really wanna wright about doe is I LOVE YOU JAMIE STEPHEN ALLENBY <3
&& i know we have our moments.... and by that i mean me overreacting and nearly fucking everything up =/ buh i really cant afford to lose you ever :( i think my head would be fucked if i did and i dunno what i would do so please just ignor me when im like that kayy
i really need you and i love you with all my heart. i hope you read this and sit puts a smile on your face. i know my house is boring as fuck and you would rather be drinking with your friends buh yeah  :/
i really love you <3
lots and lots <3
i love my fiance <3

Thursday 10th March 2011

Well yeah today is sooo fucking SHIT!! its taking the fucking piss :(

First skype dosnt work so i cant talk to my amazing boyfriend </3
Then we get some exam results, Chemistry- C thats not to bad. buh Creative and media Diploma Unit 5- U!!!!! fuck that i worked real hard and got 1 FUCKING MARK! if my partner has a higher mark than me i will kick off ><
O and my boyfriends parents said if he gets a under a B in his maths exam than hes not allowed out on weekends..... he got a U :( so theres a big possibility i wont see him tomorrow. im gunna be so fucking sad if i dont get to cuddle him while i fall asleep after a week off hardly any :(
i just wanna see him, he makes me so happy and everything feels so much better when he's around to cuddle and kiss me. <3

Wednesdaii 9th March

yeahh well, noo sleep much again :(
the other night bad dream :'(
well on the phone to jamie last night was sooo cute ^____^ he sang songs to me ^////^
buh i made him cry cuz i sent him a letter that he didnt know about <3
anywhu math revision baii <3

jamieeeeee

Well it has been a while since me and jamie got together and i actually remember soo much its stupid xD buh I love you soooo much <3

I had already told you i like you buh you told me you had to talk to me more... That kinda hurt tbh and then you convinced me to get with that poo'head ><

Friday 22nd October- I was in town mostly texting you ^__^ it was fun. I got teh bus home to ask my mom for monie to welly and she hit me buh gave me a fiver. I had a black eye buh I didn't mind. The bus was late back to welly and then all teh way down bev road some chavs were pushing the button for every stop so I ended up getting off teh bus and running all the way to welly xD on the way there I texted Kim and asked if I could stay there the night so I was going there with Terry. I got to welly and it was the fun mosh pits as usual. halfway thru I was headbanging and got headbutted smack on in the face. I went to the toilets to clean up the blood and then welly ended. I met Terry outside and we went back to Kim's, at Kim's we lit up a joint and opened some cider. I was messing with my nose and realised it was broken. it was Terry who had headbutted me and he felt bad so he gave me another joint so it didn't hurt a much :) I fell asleep. For like 20 mins ><

Saturday 23rd October- I had arranged to meet you the day before at pit at 11:30. You were already there and as soon as I got there I layed down and had a rest. My nose was killing me and by then I had two black eyes ( now permanent bruises) and a bent nose :') But you didn't mind. We were sat at pit, me on your knee, and you said in my ear 'Will you go out with me?' and I said yes ^___^ You were so happy it was cuteh. Buh then I had to leave and you walked me to my bus, you kissed me goodbye.... I guess it would off been sweet if Jodi didn't ring you and the vibrations didnt nearly give you an erection :')

I don't remember dates anymore sooo yeah....

The next thing I remember is sleeping at yours the next weekend, it was sooo nice to fall asleep with you and I was soo happy when I did. There was only 2 things wrong with that weekend..... Meg tried to eat me and I had to leave :(

That next weekend you slept at mine and I'm sorry for teasing you sooo much and giving you blueballs :') LOL at you walking round tesco!!!! Buh you did lose your virginity that weekend soooo yeah... in a kinda failed way buh shhhh you did in the end

The next thing I remember is my birthday ^__^ I met you in town and you took me to the cinema =] We went to see The Little Fockers which was really good and I'm happy you did. You also bought me a HelloKitty Doll from Blue Banana, to feed my HelloKitty obsession xD You bought some alcohol and we went back to mine. We stayed at mine till x-mas eve then we went to yours for x-mas. It was nice cuz i could off either had a bird, stuffed in a bird, stuffed in a bird. Or your veggie stuff. I chose the veggie stuff and you dad had a go at you for making me weird x] Your mom gave me a card, eyeliner and mascara :) The card contained a tenner so that was nice off her. during the time I spent at yours I beat you 8times at guitar hero ;D you admit it with some reasoning ^_^ After 12 amazing days with you we had to leave :( i was sooo sad I wanted to die tbh. all i wanted was you back.

I cant remember if your cousins wedding party was before or after that buh I do remember I got you to wear my hair extensions and dress xD While you were in the shower doe I got ready with my hair, dress and make-up, you got out the shower and just stopped and stared at me... i was worried i looked stupid buh you came over and just said 'you look beautiful' it made me smile sooo much ^_^ nawww you soppy git ;) The wedding party was fun :) Your dads car broke down so we had to walk back in the cold and snow.. I WAS WEARING HEELS!! Buh yeah we had to use your aunties boyfriends car and we got back to yours...

Next thing I really remember was Friday the 11th :) We celebrated valentines day then ^_ ^ Cuz valentines day was when we were at college/school so yeah.
You met me off the bus from my diploma and had told me you couldn't get me a present cuz you didn't have the monies. We got to my room and you threw another HelloKitty Doll at my head ;) I still cant believe I ruined it by knocking it onto my lamp :( theres a hole melted into its face....
We went to welly that night tooo, that was fun. I got to be with you. I had glow sticks in my ear and I gained a mask :')
That night we were layed on my sofa and you had your head on my chest so jokingly I said I was teh guy and should propose xD and then you just proposed ^_^ It was really sweet and i said yeah ^^ You smiled s much and i was happy you were happy =]

next i remember is last weekend the 4th-6th of March :) you met me off the bus again... at my house you elbowed me in the face and my head smacked against the wall and you felt soo bad. i promise its fine so bee happeh :) we watched my new DVD 'Puppetry of The Penis' and you lulled so much and tried some of them xD
We teased that girl on msn xD.... I didn't like it when you left again :( I cant wait till next week cuz I see you again ans il be really happy.

I love you soo much and I cant wait to see you and live with you and everything <3
Mine forever <3
and ever <3
and ever <3

__________________________________________________________________________________

I know I say this alot buh I am in love with you <3
You are my life, my world, my universe, my everything <3
Nothing and noone will ever replace you, promise <3

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying
That you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
As I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you
Closer than most
'Cause you are my heaven

I don't wanna
Waste the weekend
If you don't love me
Pretend
A few more hours
Then it's time to go
As my train rolls down
The East coast
I wonder how
You'll keep warm
It's too late to cry
Too broken to move on

Still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take
What you don't need from me

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying
That you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
As I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you
Closer than most
'Cause you are my heaven

Misplaced trust
And old friends
Never counting regrets
By the grace of God
I do not rest at all
New England
As the leaves change
The last excuse
That I'll claim
I was a boy
Who loved a woman
Like a little girl

Still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you
Don't need from me

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying
That you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
As I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you
Closer than most
'Cause you are my

Heaven doesn't seem
Far away anymore
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Heaven doesn't seem
Far away anymore
Heaven doesn't seem far away

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying
That you and me
Might end up together
It's like wishing for rain
As I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you
Closer than most
'Cause you are my heaven
You are my heaven
<3

I miss you all the time and I love spending a single second with you.
I love that I get to keep you forever..
All my love, Harley <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3