So hey there Jamie.
I wish i could say this in person but i don't see you till Saturday and tbh i think id be to shy to say this unless I'm drinking..
I really really love you baby && i never ever wanna lose you. Ima prove this one day i promise.
Ima pay you back for all the times you pay me into Hull and for all the things you buy me.
Ima make it up to you for getting upset thinking your gonna leave me :/
Ima try and be more positive about us and not think you deserve better.
I'm sorry I'm like this I'm just scared :( its weird for me being in a relationship this long with someone who treats me well and doesn't abuse me or lie to me. I'm just scared your gonna find someone better (which you really can do) or leave me and break my heart....
I really don't wanna lose you. I need you so much. <3
I need you to keep me sane. I need you to keep me from hurting myself :/
I need you allot more than i want you but i want you a hell of allot.
I know you wont agree but your perfect.
I love your hair and how its soft all the time.
I love your eyes and how pretty and blue they are. I like to look into them ^////^ its like looking into your soul and its so beautiful and pure.
I love your smile and how even when i don't want to, it makes me smile. I like how its kinda crooked and really cute.
I love your body and how nice it is to fall asleep with. It makes me feel all safe and lets me know that your actually real and I'm not imaging you.
I love your arms and when you hold me, just for the hugs, when I'm upset or when I'm really happy. They make me feel so safe and wanted i sometimes never want you to let go.
I love your personality. Its so kind, sweet, charming, amazing, cute, lovely and friendly. Your always nice to me no matter how much I'm upset, your always sweet to me even if i tell you to fuck off :/
I love you, entirely, so much. All of you. I'm so happy your mine, and I'm sorry for trying to push you away :( please don't leave me??
Last night i was reading chapter 3 of New Moon, when Edward leaves Bella.
I fell asleep and had a dream that woke me up crying...
it was our 2 years anniversary, but you didn't know, you asked me to walk to queens with you for a talk.
We went to Queens and sat on a bench, you started 'Aby, I'm moving away.'
I thought you meant i was going too because we talk about moving away together so i asked where were going.
You replied 'Not 'us' just me. Okay, your staying here.'
I was shocked and confused 'Why??? Where you going??'
You 'Im just leaving. I cant stay here, I'm moving far away so you never have to see ma again.'
I was close to tears but i held them back and said ;Why... What did i do wrong?? I'm sorry if i annoyed you or...'
You stopped me and said 'No its not your fault, I just don't want you anymore. I think that because I'm breaking up with you, I need to move away so you can forget me and move on'
I was so upset i wanted to just hold on to you and cry but i still didn't 'I don't want to lose you, I don't want to get over you but if that's what you want, okay....'
You walked away and I just layed there on the bench, crying my eyes out. I don't know how long i was there but Ryan Hoskin found me and asked if i was okay. All i could say was 'He's left me, Hes gone' and i couldn't move. He seemed to understand and he picked me up and took me to pit to find Terry to take me back to their place. Someone gave me a cig and when i was about to put it out and noone was looking i put it out on my wrist hoping that i wouldnt be able to feel it bacause I'd be dead. Unfortuantly i could feel it and Ryan took it off me.
When me, Ryan and Terry got to theirs i went to the toilet and found a razor for my wrists, Ryan and Terry thought i was taking to long so they came in and found me bleeding. I ended up drinking all the time, not leaving the house and either Terry or Ryan watched me for months.
I woke up crying :'(
I guess this is how much i need you...
Im sorry if this makes you cry or anything i really dont want you too.
I doo want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I love you <3
I wish i could say this in person but i don't see you till Saturday and tbh i think id be to shy to say this unless I'm drinking..
I really really love you baby && i never ever wanna lose you. Ima prove this one day i promise.
Ima pay you back for all the times you pay me into Hull and for all the things you buy me.
Ima make it up to you for getting upset thinking your gonna leave me :/
Ima try and be more positive about us and not think you deserve better.
I'm sorry I'm like this I'm just scared :( its weird for me being in a relationship this long with someone who treats me well and doesn't abuse me or lie to me. I'm just scared your gonna find someone better (which you really can do) or leave me and break my heart....
I really don't wanna lose you. I need you so much. <3
I need you to keep me sane. I need you to keep me from hurting myself :/
I need you allot more than i want you but i want you a hell of allot.
I know you wont agree but your perfect.
I love your hair and how its soft all the time.
I love your eyes and how pretty and blue they are. I like to look into them ^////^ its like looking into your soul and its so beautiful and pure.
I love your smile and how even when i don't want to, it makes me smile. I like how its kinda crooked and really cute.
I love your body and how nice it is to fall asleep with. It makes me feel all safe and lets me know that your actually real and I'm not imaging you.
I love your arms and when you hold me, just for the hugs, when I'm upset or when I'm really happy. They make me feel so safe and wanted i sometimes never want you to let go.
I love your personality. Its so kind, sweet, charming, amazing, cute, lovely and friendly. Your always nice to me no matter how much I'm upset, your always sweet to me even if i tell you to fuck off :/
I love you, entirely, so much. All of you. I'm so happy your mine, and I'm sorry for trying to push you away :( please don't leave me??
Last night i was reading chapter 3 of New Moon, when Edward leaves Bella.
I fell asleep and had a dream that woke me up crying...
it was our 2 years anniversary, but you didn't know, you asked me to walk to queens with you for a talk.
We went to Queens and sat on a bench, you started 'Aby, I'm moving away.'
I thought you meant i was going too because we talk about moving away together so i asked where were going.
You replied 'Not 'us' just me. Okay, your staying here.'
I was shocked and confused 'Why??? Where you going??'
You 'Im just leaving. I cant stay here, I'm moving far away so you never have to see ma again.'
I was close to tears but i held them back and said ;Why... What did i do wrong?? I'm sorry if i annoyed you or...'
You stopped me and said 'No its not your fault, I just don't want you anymore. I think that because I'm breaking up with you, I need to move away so you can forget me and move on'
I was so upset i wanted to just hold on to you and cry but i still didn't 'I don't want to lose you, I don't want to get over you but if that's what you want, okay....'
You walked away and I just layed there on the bench, crying my eyes out. I don't know how long i was there but Ryan Hoskin found me and asked if i was okay. All i could say was 'He's left me, Hes gone' and i couldn't move. He seemed to understand and he picked me up and took me to pit to find Terry to take me back to their place. Someone gave me a cig and when i was about to put it out and noone was looking i put it out on my wrist hoping that i wouldnt be able to feel it bacause I'd be dead. Unfortuantly i could feel it and Ryan took it off me.
When me, Ryan and Terry got to theirs i went to the toilet and found a razor for my wrists, Ryan and Terry thought i was taking to long so they came in and found me bleeding. I ended up drinking all the time, not leaving the house and either Terry or Ryan watched me for months.
I woke up crying :'(
I guess this is how much i need you...
Im sorry if this makes you cry or anything i really dont want you too.
I doo want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I love you <3
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